I’ve written about my husband’s aunt. She lives in an assisted living community and uses a walker and wheelchair to get around these days. She’s 97 years old, a veteran of a broken hip two years ago.
I take her to doctors appointments, lunches, run errands and take her to visit her 90 year old cousin. I don’t mind doing any of it. She’s a really sharp, strong minded woman. Her body is another story.
Since breaking her hip, she’s not as flexible or as strong as she used to be. Getting in and out of my SUV, using a step-stool, is a real concern. Oh, she could get in the car if I helped with her legs and supported her back, but after doing that a few times, her strength is gone. Then trying to guide her into the car while holding her up was really hard. Something had to change.
Fortunately, a friend of mine owns a sedan. She was willing to switch cars with me on ‘doctor days’. Phew! My aunt wouldn’t need to climb up into my car.
Two weeks ago, she set up a lunch date with her cousin and called to let me know. I told her I’d call my friend and see if we could switch cars for that date.
Confirming the date took a few days. My aunt kept calling to see if it was all arranged, and I had to remind her that I’d call her when I knew anything. That did not sit well with her.
“Just use your car. I’ll be good. I know I can do it, I’ll be fine!”
I tried to explain my fear of her falling and her balance and strength issues, but I might as well have been talking to a spoon. “I can do it. Please. Just use your car.” Sigh.
I guess I couldn’t blame her. She really wanted to get out of her apartment and see her cousin. I understood her desire to nail down the date. But what struck me was that this overpowering desire was blinding her good judgement.
Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
I know that my passion for an extra cookie, another hour of reading late at night, or volunteering for that committee often struggles to sway me. But that passion or desire always deserves a second look. It calls out to be balanced with the extra calories, lost sleep and time away from home that inevitably will happen.
Sometimes desire just isn’t enough. Or isn’t even smart. Like my 97 year old aunt, I might really want something. But it may truly be no good for me, and it might even hurt me.
We did have a happy ending to the car situation. My dad had just given up driving due to failing eyesight, so he said I could use his car anytime I needed it. God is good. (So is my Dad!) But I don’t think I’ll forget the effect that desire has on decision making.
Gotta remember. Take that second look.
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Perfect analogy Ceil. I had several situations flash through my mind when I believed God should just get on-board because of something I REALLY wanted. I know trusting His wisdom and care is always best but oh I can be so stubborn. So, glad you were able to work out the car details, and you are blessed with “good” fathers. I am too. Blessings!
Hi Deb! It was such a movement of God to have my Dad offer his car. Phew! Unfortunately, he’s giving it away next month. Oh well. I was very happy for it while I had it.
She really taught me about being patient and thinking about the things that I want. It was a great lesson for me!
Sunday blessings!
Ceil
Take that second look. Good advice especially for me this coming week as I discern whether to say yes or no to a project. Your aunt reminds me of my relationship I had with Esther, my adopted 99 1.2 year old “grandma” she had 99 great years and about 5 months of decline and is now dancing with Jesus. I miss her but fully understand your tenderness and love for the aunt. Esther would be the same way with the car business. Glad you found a permanent solution. have a great week!!
Hi Jean! I pray that God makes it abundantly clear what you should do.
Yes, my husband’s aunt is a very feisty lady! I was so happy that I didn’t have to disappoint her. My dad is giving the car away next month, so I guess this dance isn’t quite over yet. But I sure was happy for it last month!
Prayers and a hug too 🙂
Ceil
I understand about aging family members and your story sounded very familiar. There are too many times when we all fail at using good judgment due to moving ahead without that second glance. Thank you for the reminder to look or think twice before making a decision so we are using God as a guide and not just our strong wills. Blessings!
Hi Mary! It’s so hard to tell myself ‘NO!’ sometimes. I just want what I want. Eww. So stubborn. It’s so much better to do what God calls me to do, not what I just think looks great.
Blessings to you too!
Ceil
It is really amazing, Ceil, how older people have a determination and will much stronger than ours. I sometimes visit an elderly lady in her eighties who has great difficulties with walking and is therefore housebound; but her brain is as sharp as ever. The other day she said: “I am trapped within my own body!”. She knows she wants to achieve a lot but can’t do it because of her infirmity.
God bless your elderly relative, Ceil, and your father for loaning you his car.
May God be always with you and yours.
Hi Victor! Well, I think I have a pretty tough determination sometimes too. And not always for the best reasons.
It is so hard to grow old, watching ourselves get less and less able to do the things we used to do. My Dad also complains that he can’t see, can’t hear, now isn’t driving…it’s tough to get used to. They say getting old is not for the faint of heart, and I think they’re right!
Blessings and grace to you and yours Victor,
Ceil
Hi Ceil – Another great post. You are such a wonderful niece, daughter and care-giver. You certainly do inspire me. Enjoy the week ahead and this glorious season!
Hi Deb! I’m not so sure that I’m all that great Deb. I just try the best I can. It’s funny how I never fail to learn some spiritual lesson when I’m with my aunt. She is a very determined lady.
I intend to love all of Advent this year, so I think I will enjoy this week 🙂 Blessings to you as you travel this week too,
Ceil
Oh, Friend, been there –done all of this. Here is the other side of the story–I now have a Camry—it is difficult to get them up out of a small car as well. Yes—I am guilty of the extra cookie–skipping a workout–not eating right–all bearing a re-look at priorities! It is one thing to live a long life–but living without quality of life is not something any of us desire. Great Post!
Hi Lulu! I never thought about that, but I know you’re right. My Mom drove a little convertible (another feisty lady!), and when she died, I drove it several times. Yikes! I ‘fell’ into the seat, and did deep knee bends to get out. I know what you’re talking about.
You bring up a good point about living in a way that supports quality. Why do things that seem so fun in the short-term, when it will only make me miserable? I think I’ll be wrestling with that for my whole life.
Have a wonderful Monday my friend,
Ceil
I always always experience that coz I work with an older woman who does not have the right understanding of different things that can or cannot be done. Maybe because of the age. But it is a good reminder for us who also have a decision to make in our everyday lives. Thank you for the awakening message my friend.
Hi Joy! It’s hard to live with declining abilities. Seems like what we were always able to do, we should be able do all the time. Sadly, it’s just not like that. It takes a lot of strength to admit that there is weakness. It seems that a lot of us are involved with the elderly in our lives, so I think this post really hits home.
So nice to see you 🙂
Ceil
Passion is good. Sometimes. When misdirected or overwhelming in our wisdom-choosing-process is another story. I misdirect mine more than I would like to admit.
Hi Bill! That’s a good word. Passion. I know I let my emotions rule over me way more than I should too. Really, that’s what was going on here too. She REALLY wanted to go out, no matter what the circumstances were. I understood her desire, but I also saw the danger in not having the right car.
This is a life-long battle, isn’t it?
Happy Monday!
Ceil
I wonder how often I overlook a lesson from God in the everyday? Great reminder, sweet Lady!
Hi Deb! If you’re anything like me, a lot more than I imagine. It’s amazing how I always seem to learn something spiritual when I’m with my aunt. Either through her wisdom, or the situation. I thank God for her!
And I thank you for your sweet comment Deb. Have a great Monday 🙂
Ceil
Great post. I’m glad everything worked out in the end but I do believe that desire can overpower the right decisions.
Hi Debby! Boy, me too. I really didn’t want to disappoint her. I agree 100% with you, desire can overpower the right decision. I am so glad that it all worked out so I didn’t have to have another talk about safety. She’s just not buying it!
Monday blessings,
Ceil
Such a good analogy Ceil! I have to add that I’ve done my driving the elderly to doctor’s appointments, etc. My mother-in-law is a case in point. She’s 89 and still has her driver’s license but …we try not to let her get in her car. 🙂 However, she’s used to being independent and it’s been hard for her to be practical and realistic. She wants what she wants and when she wants it.
You have an amazing aunt.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Hi Debbie! Sounds like we both have amazing relatives! That whole driving thing is really fraught, isn’t it? It was a long road for my Dad to give it up. Actually, my aunt really misses it, but knows she wasn’t the best at it. Maybe a doctor told her to stop? I can’t remember.
Seems like a lot of us are dealing with elderly family members. I hope we can learn from them and be amazing elderly people for our families too!
Congrats on the new job 🙂
Ceil
Ceil, thank you for your comments on my blog. I loved the post about your aunt. It reminded me of my Aunt Alice is also living in an assisted living facility and who will turn 98 this month. While she is losing ground physically and becoming very forgetful, she struggles to maintain her independence as much as possible. Any visit to her brings out her innate sense of hospitality to take care of her guests! Incidentally, her maiden name is Ryan as was my mom’s!
Hi Sr.! My pleasure! Wow, your Aunt is intrepid isn’t she? And what a joy that she still wants to be a hostess when you visit her. Even as she is losing her physical abilities, she still keeps her love of visitors. That’s great!
What a fun coincidence that we share in that family name 🙂 There are Ryan’s everywhere (one nice than the next!!).
Have a wonderful Monday Sister!
Ceil
Overpowering desire that blinds good judgment…oh my that hit home…especially when you mentioned that cookie. Oh, how I know that one! Great analogy, Ceil.
Hi Mary! We are not the only ones who reach for that second cookie ( or third! ), but it’s still a struggle to pull back. I always promise myself I won’t overindulge again…but somehow it seems to happen anyway.
Thank you for your kind comments!
Ceil
Like you said, “Gotta remember.” Your words are something I need to remember, my friend. I love reading your posts because they are full of wisdom and because you are brutally honest! I appreciate you, Ceil!
Have a lovely Monday! Hugs!
Hi Stephanie! Thank you for your kind comment my friend. I’m so glad you like the post today. And I’m glad it all worked out with my aunt too 🙂
Happy Monday!
Ceil
How lovely that you can help your Aunt in this way. I’m so glad everything worked out with the car! I’m often like your Aunt – when I want something, I really want it!
Hi Lauren! Then we have something in common. I get pretty headstrong myself. I was so relieved when my Dad agreed to my using his car. Phew! Solved a lot of problems…
Nice to see you!
Ceil
It’s so sweet of you to take care of her, Ceil. And oh, how true it is that desire can cloud over good judgment. I find this out again and again when dealing with a chronic illness. It’s so thoughtful of you to watch out for your aunt.
Hi Trudy! You make a great point about chronic illness. I didn’t even think of that. Certainly you can be debilitated by the pain and decreased ability to move. Thank you for that thought!
She is a dear lady, and is always so grateful. I hope I can always help her out when she needs something.
Happy Monday!
Ceil
I am glad God and your dad worked out a solution for you…hearing these stories makes me hope the Lord helps me not to go in the direction of independence, irritation or to be a burden when I reach the ages of 80 or 90…I guess I will just have to wait and see. I think we can practice now on how to age with the Lords help but there is no guarantee. I hope I will still be a blogger at 90 🙂
Hi Dee! I wonder if there will be such a thing as blogging when we’re 90? If there is, I’ll be right with you writing away!
I do think of that too. I hope that I will be kind and patient, so I guess now would be the time to practice. Ahem. Well. I’d better get going then!
Nice to see you today 🙂
Ceil
Yes indeed! This is so true with me. I’ve been learning more and more over the years to take the big decision making at a slow pace, but I can completely understand how hard it is to wait on others when we age. I guess there is always a “little kid” in us no matter what the age!
Hi Patty! I like to think that I’m younger than my years, so I guess that’s right. It’s hard to watch your body refuse to do the things you could always do before. I do understand where my aunt is coming from, I really do.
I just hope that she’ll try to understand my fears for her, and the reality that she is not a young person. It’s been a tough sell so far. I just thank God we made it one more time in safety 🙂
Monday blessings to you!
Ceil
Ceil:I have to hand it to you. When we’ve had relatives in a nursing home, I was afraid to take them out. We took Hubby’s out to see her house one day. We returned to the nursing home and she got fitful. Our son, who was in high school, said,”Aunt K. they are waiting supper for you.” She quieted down and went in.
Hi Cecelia! I am scared each and every time I take her out. My husband doesn’t understand it, but she is quite elderly, and has already had one broken hip. It’s nerve wracking!
What a sensitive man your son is! He knew just the right thing to say to get Aunt K. back to her home. And I have to hand it to you too! I know they appreciate our efforts so much.
Blessings to you and your family,
Ceil
What a wonderful point you make here Ceil. So often I think “I can do it” and I totally can’t. God says no. All signs point to no. Yet my stubborn toddler-esque self says – I can do it! Let me do it!
Thank you for this reminder that sometimes we need to step down and not force the issue.
Blessings to you my friend!
xoxo
Hi Jennifer! Your comment reminds me of the book about the train that has to climb a mountain. He says “I think I can, I think I can!” And he does it. Well, sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. You are very wise to know when you just can’t do something. It’s something I have to work on myself.
Have a peaceful night my friend!
Ceil
Seems to me that in some ways the sentiment “I can do it” just might be at the root of all our problems. It’s that attitude that prompted the eating of the forbidden fruit. And it seems to rear its ugly head in my little heart all the time. It’s hard to admit we need help, but if we never get in touch with our utter helplessness before God, then we’ll never be able to fully understand His grace and love and salvation. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
You know, I believe there is a grace in yielding to Him, in having a humble attitude. After all, our human judgment is flawed, and we might miss so many God-opportunities and blessings if we insist on doing things our own way!
GOD BLESS!
Hi Sharon! I just love your comment. I think you are right, being tunnel-visioned and trying to go it alone, just based on emotions is asking for trouble.
Listening to someone else’s take on a situation might just be the best option. God works through his people, who knows if this input might be his word to me? I sure don’t want to be like Adam and Eve in the sense that they were lured to think they knew better!
Wonderful thoughts my friend. Thank you 🙂
Ceil
Hi Ceil,
I have always loved different types of scales, especially little ornamental ones, and I think this has also reflected my thoughts about balance. There are many things that I love doing but ‘balance’ is always a key word to me. Even in my jobs I have gone for the jobs I love doing, but when I have found that there is no peace or pleasure in them then I have known it has been a time for change, and although I love doing ten things at once I know that I will not necessarily finish those tasks when I expected to. If I lose my peace then I know that some adjusting is needed.
God bless.
Hi Brenda! I have a friend who operates much like you do. Her inner peace is her barometer. If she finds herself too overwhelmed or unbalanced, her peace will be gone. Then it’s time for a change.
I felt much the same way in my nursing career. I was getting overwhelmed on many fronts, and felt the call to write. It seemed like a crazy switch, but I’ve been very happy. I think your understanding of that is the same as mine too.
Love the scale idea! Balance is the best ALWAYS.
Peace to you,
Ceil
Oh, it’s just. so. easy. to be blinded by our desires! Thank you for the reminder to take as second look and spend time reflecting on what’s really at stake. :).
Hi Anita! I know what you mean. My poor aunt isn’t the only one who is blown off-course by wants and desires. I am too!
That second look is key for me. I just have to slow down enough to do the work.
Hope you have a peaceful evening,
Ceil
Love your perspective here, Ceil. It’s always good to take a second, closer look in every situation and not let our own judgment get in the way.
Hi Lux! Thank you for your kind words! Taking the time to think about my decisions, or listening to someone else’s input can be hard. I like my own way, just like my aunt.
I want to slow down and really decide what’s best. I hope God will help me to do that!
Have a wonderful Wednesday,
Ceil
I have tried to be much better with giving myself time to ponder something that requires action or a response before actually moving forward. I want to make sure my yes is the right yes. My time at BSF also reminded me of how God wants to be involved in ALL the details of my life. Am I allowing Him to be or am I saying yes to things out of a place of my own desires. Always good thoughts, Ceil.
Blessings.
xoxo
Hi Beth! Sounds like you are well on your way to a thoughtful life. I want to be like you! I saw through my aunt how bad decisions can be made just because I may ‘want’ something. I have to be humble enough to take another look, or listen to another person’s input.
Thank you for your kind words my friend!
Ceil
Glad to know that everything ended up alright! My wife’s 97-year old grandmother just broke her hip a few days ago. She wasn’t very mobile before so it probably won’t change too much, to be honest. So this story was something I could identify with.
It’s funny how we want to do what we want to do. And we’ll find the excuses to justify it. But deep down, I think we often suspect that maybe we should take a step back and evaluate.
Hi Loren! Oh brother, I am so sorry about your wife’s grandmother! Breaking a hip is such a traumatic event at that age. I hope she’ll be ok. I will add her to my prayer for sure.
I know I have all kinds of excuses to use to get me to do things that I know I shouldn’t. “It will be okay this time” is one of my favorites. Ugh. Much better to think it through. Or ‘evaluate’ as you said.
Thank you for reading two posts, and commenting on both too. I really appreciate the time!
Blessings,
Ceil
Ah, the old desire and balance…and you would have to use the cookie example when sweets can be my downfall. Thanks for the encouragement : )
Hi Mindy! And thank you for your visit!
Advent blessings,
Ceil